So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
