great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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