Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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