I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize