Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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