note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
