When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
