just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
