$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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