Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
