did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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