Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
