So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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