Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Rumble strips road head = magical
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
