Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
