If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
