yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
