Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
