I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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