my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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