i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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