We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
