Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
