There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
