is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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