I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize