I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
