New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
