I just cut my nipple shaving
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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