Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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