Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
