chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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