Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
