Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
