You're my little dorito
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
