Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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