in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
