I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
