can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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