I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
