3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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