love makes seman taste better
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
