I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
