You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dignity is for republicans.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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