Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
