I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
