I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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