Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Randomize
