I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm just crazy horny about you
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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