people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wish you could order shots online.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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