You made me cry and you don't even care
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
