i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
