I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
