My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
