I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
