:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
