Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
