you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How does one acquire holy water?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
