I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
