ADVERTISEMENT

• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you

  Fav 13 1495 1187

  share tweet
  

• (386): View more from Florida

  tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN

  Fav 26 852 3344

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.

  Fav 31 7273 1273

  share tweet
  

• (601): View more from Mississippi

  i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone

  Fav 13 1322 4270

  share tweet
  

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  when did we get a doorman?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we were also in the wrong building...

  Fav 15 7332 1434

  share tweet
  

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.

  Fav 11 5918 2177

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (239): View more from Florida

  they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out

  Fav 2 3978 1093

  share tweet
  

• (269): View more from Michigan

  Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.

  Fav 17 1215 2908

  share tweet
  

• (518): View more from New York

  They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.

  (1-518): View more from New York

  Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.

  Fav 5 2707 1164

  share tweet
  

• (802): View more from Vermont

  Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence

  Fav 6 1228 837

  share tweet
  

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.

  Fav 3 1595 632

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (712): View more from Iowa

  I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.

  Fav 1 662 886

  share tweet
  

• (404): View more from Georgia

  I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!

  Fav 3 698 1190

  share tweet
  

• (410): View more from Maryland

  You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass

  Fav 1 560 415

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (518): View more from New York

  Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.

  Fav 0 73 5

  share tweet
  

Randomize