I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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