So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
