She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
