so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
