Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
