Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
