it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
