The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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