On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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