we're making bets on your personal life
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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