If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's never too late to be topless.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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