They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize