I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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