Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
