on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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