So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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