I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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