I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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