Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
