it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Ladies don't puke and tell
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
