If i come over, it means nothing
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
