i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Boobs are out for the taking
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
