I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
