worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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