Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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