"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I don't think brook has ever known best
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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