Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Did I show you my penis last night?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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