i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
