Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
