Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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