I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
