We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
