my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
