i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So many bounce houses so little time
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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