I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
