I just threw up on my dentist
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
