My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
