My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
