2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
