one two three fourrrrnication!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
