When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
