I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize