He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
