just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
