Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
