I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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