I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
