Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
