is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
